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The first flower
grew from a glass bottle
and flush filled rooms
with yellowed light.

The first flower fell in the first week,
kept between pages of a Latin book,
with words he could only mouth –
the language too tough to chew.

As a boy turned man
his fingers slowed, delicate
in the art of common green,
and she – hush lipped.

In rain they wed
without words,
only the exchange of silver
to skin.

He planted her a stone-fruit orchard,
where plums drew stains on opened hands,
and the flesh of fruit fell
between turned earth.

In the last spring did she tend the trees;
the hem of her skirt bunched to the thighs,
as she stripped the fruit for twenty jars of jam
and a tin of golden butter.

In the winter she grew cold
and no blanket could bring a backbone.
The garden grew without her winded voice,
and he, steady with his shovel.  

She paused in breath,
and he folded into himself -
felt his fisted heart
burst with the strength of a year.
©2007-2009 `Amberlouie
:iconamberlouie:

Author's Comments

The draft is here

This one is the revised one, thanks for all the people who commented on the first. My lovelies:
:heart:

Edit 1: thank you, aditi!

Critiques


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:iconvirgokitten:
I had to read it a few times, but I don't have much to offer as strong critique. I love how you spun the story of silence and how those words of thanks meant so much, though. :heart:

--
“This is the way the world ends,
not with a bang but a whimper"
--The Hollow Men, T. S. Eliot.
:iconamberlouie:
Thanks, no niggles at all?
:hug:

--
:bulletred: Clearfield Review - Prose Editor
:iconlovespoon:
In the last spring, did she tend the trees.
The hem of her skirt bunched at her thighs,
as she stripped the fruit for twenty jars of jam
and a tin of golden butter.

Should a question mark be at the end of this sentence? Or is it :
"In the last spring, she tended the trees."

I don't know much about gardening. What is a "backbone"?

"and no blanket could bring a backbone."

Anyway. Cool extended metaphor on hands and love.

:teddy:

--
"Women may fake orgasms, but men fake entire relationships."

Poetry/Fiction: [link]
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:iconamberlouie:
Backbone here, means to make one strong, resilient. [sorry for the spelling, it's extremely late here and my fingers are failing me.]

I see what you mean by the confusion of "did she tend the trees." I suppose I'm being all ye-olde. I plan to workshop this on tuesday - the one coming - so I'll see if my class mates think the same. Nevertheless, thank you for the comment.

And, please direct me to two of your most favoured poems. I srsly owe you.
:heart:

--
:bulletred: Clearfield Review - Prose Editor
:iconmizudatsurugi:
I don't think I've read the first one, but this one's really pretty. I liked the first bit the best "The first flower grew from a glass bottle"

I think it sounds like it's describing the life of the two people and how they aged.

--
NEVER EVER CLICK THE LINK BELOW, YOU'LL SEE SOMETHING

[link]
:iconamberlouie:
Oh, I didn't really think of it that way. :P But I see what you mean... thank you! :hug:
I have this odd fascination with things that grow in bottles, there's something special about the growth against the glass. :)

--
:bulletred: Clearfield Review - Prose Editor
:iconmizudatsurugi:
Yea, me too!! I managed to grow miniature lavenders in a glass bottle once, I had to be extra careful not to over water though.

--
NEVER EVER CLICK THE LINK BELOW, YOU'LL SEE SOMETHING

[link]
:iconlovespoon:
She, in the winter, grew cold
and no blanket could bring a backbone.

Putting in the missing comma fixes it.

oki ye-oldeler :giggle:

Well I don't read other's poem so they will read mine. I read them simply to read things.

:teddy:

--
"Women may fake orgasms, but men fake entire relationships."

Poetry/Fiction: [link]
Astrology: [link]
Artist Free Traffic: [link]
:iconamberlouie:
Hahah, it's such a sweet concept. I love lavender ^^

--
:bulletred: Clearfield Review - Prose Editor

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October 5, 2007
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