Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


An earthquake rolls across her skin
as green curtains reserve a space
for construction -
he looks at splattered bed sheets
and cradles a small shiver.

He inhales, holds the breath. Hands
calloused by supermarket boxes grip
the railing. Cord of blood and sweat
fused into life is taken into other,
more precise palms.

A hand on his shoulder whirls
him around - birth is burdened
into his arms. Black curls smell sweet.
He feels her hand envelope his as he
leans forward to kiss the wailing temple
turned an angry shade of red. She's
whisked away - to wash and dry.

A statue of bones -
becomes a colossal collapse.
©2007-2009 `Amberlouie
:iconamberlouie:

Author's Comments

(c) Amberlouie 2007

*Thanks to salshep who work-shopped this in dAlit, its really appreciated, hun. And to parakissess for playing checkers with me, whilst I tried to figure it all out.

Daily Deviation

Given 2007-01-26

Shiver by *Amberlouie turns usual poetic material into a distinct experience with some unique details and well-crafted language. (Featured by `PoeticWar)

Comments


love 3 3 joy 2 2 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconsalshep:
Wowsa. That's heaps tighter! Well done. :)

--
LIT NEEDS SOUND

Make A Noise About It Here
:iconamberlouie:
thanks for all thee help :p
T'was great..
x

--
:bulletred: Clearfield Review - Prose Editor
:iconkheradruakh:
I likes this a lot. Im still not quite sure about "birth is burdened" here, burdened doesnt sit quite right for me, although it could just be my brain not working. The rest of it is very good :)

--
"Hugh Mann eh? Now theres a name I can trust!"
Me Loves Futurama
:iconamberlouie:
heheh. Burdened works fine for me, it sets the scene so to speak, for his breakdown. Thanks for thee comment, appreciated. :D
:heart:
x

--
:bulletred: Clearfield Review - Prose Editor
:iconlescheveux:
Ah, very well. :) Undoubtedly the best work I've seen from you. Keep it up, Amber.

--
<caveatLECTOR>and jon beat me to uranus LOLOLOL

<concrete-surfer> your mom depreciates in value as she's traded

<intangebility> o man. pink is singing sweet dreams on tv atm, and madeline says "string trees are made of peas?"
:iconlostindamnation:
Birth...yummy.

--
Are you sure which side of the glass you are on?
:iconstjoan:
the more i read this the more i like it.
indeed.

--
"The world is not enough- but it's such a perfect place to start" - Garbage
-
`roguewolf19 looks so Balla.
:iconamberlouie:
StJoan,
thank you, its a bit overwhelming, to come on and find all these sweet messages, I hope it gets loved a bit more. It is my favourite, its been on my mind for a week now, I only had the courage to put it down yesterday.
:heart:
thank you

--
:bulletred: Clearfield Review - Prose Editor

Details

January 25, 2007
828 bytes

Statistics

102
67 [who?]
2,572 (0 today)
29 (0 today)

Site Map